Recently, a CEO asked me to spend some time with two of his prominent senior executives, whom I’ll call John & Nancy.  These two got along so well that they could literally finish each other’s sentences; they were equally creative, spontaneous and enthusiastic, and had very similar approaches to solving problems.  I found them to be jovial and fun, engaging, and motivating.

And a complete waste of the company’s resources (time, effort and capital) in their respective roles!The problem was that John and Nancy were too much alike!  They were caught up in the novelty of the work, completely focused on developing new ideas and ensuring their people were happy.  There was no evidence of constructive criticism, civil discourse, devil’s advocate dialogue, or any kind of pushback in meetings I observed (see related article: In 2011, Please Kill More Good Ideas!).

If you look at groups of people who effortlessly work well together, odds are they share many interests, traits, beliefs, and perspectives.  They may have similar backgrounds, experiences, interests, personalities, and approaches to challenges and opportunities.  As my colleagues Jennifer Whitt of PDUs2Go.com in her book, Optimize Your Thinking, and Stephen Shapiro in his book, Personality Poker, point out, contrary to popular belief, opposites do not attract.

Psychologists have confirmed that when it comes to our portfolio of relationships, we’re often attracted to people who are similar to us.  We hear others describe their interpersonal relationships as “they get me,” or “we have chemistry.”  As such, when it comes to our relationships in the workplace, we tend to surround ourselves with people who share similar thought processes, energy levels, and professional demeanor.

Unfortunately, too many similar relationship development styles are detrimental to your personal and professional growth.

The people you need the most – to provide unique insights, independent perspectives, and to question your key assumptions, you may like the least.

Chances are you’ll disagree often, and will have varying styles in approaching a challenge, or in seeing the silver lining in a project or key initiative setback.  You may get in each other’s face, and one will force the other to focus, stay on course and within budget.  You’ll think of them as controlling and will not agree with their limiting and restrictive approach. Their persistence will keep you focused.  Their strengths will complement your abilities and illuminate your blind spots.

You’ll find them unrelenting and in spite of annoying each other you’ll reach that next milestone or finish line feeling invigorated by the experience.  You’ll deliver successful results highly visible to the organization.

So, the next time you’re facing a challenge or an opportunity, instead of going to someone who thinks just like you, look for your opposites.  Very likely they’ll bother you at your core, and may not give you the answers you want, but will be the exact recipe you need for impactful results.

Stay tuned for our online debut of the much anticipated Relationship Signature Index™ (RSI) assessment.

A friend, Stephen Shapiro, has just released Personality Poker (Penguin/Portfolio).  It is an engaging and insightful read with a fun interactive twist. 

Personality Poker is unique, not only because it raises insightful and counterintuitive perspectives, but it comes with a deck of innovation personality cards that makes determining ones personality style (or that of an entire team) both interactive, fun and easy.

Some of my favorite insights from the book are:

• Why the person you like the least is the one you need the most

·       How your greatest strength can limit your success

·       Why homogenous teams are more efficient, but end up limiting innovation

…and it is packed with useful information whether you are a Fortune 500 business or a solopreneur.

Click here to purchase on Amazon

Click here to purchase on Barnes and Noble                

About Stephen:

Stephen Shapiro is one of the foremost authorities on innovation culture, collaboration and open innovation and has personally touched hundreds of thousands of lives spanning the globe throughout nearly 40 countries. While Stephen’s insights apply to virtually any organization, big or small, he has contributed to shifting the innovation culture for such fortune 500 organization such as Staples, GE, BP, Johnson & Johnson, Fidelity Investments, Pearson Education, Nestlé, and Bristol-Myers Squibb.  Over the years, Shapiro has shared his innovative philosophy in books such as 24/7 Innovation and The Little Book of BIG Innovation Ideas and has been featured in New York Times, Newsweek, O- The Oprah Magazine and Investors Business Daily.  As the founder and creator of a 20,000 person internal innovation practice within Accenture, and consultant to thousands of organizations worldwide, Stephen possesses a rare and extensive arsenal of tools allowing him to arm any organization with the knowledge they need to shift  their most threatening challenges. His latest creation Personality Poker, has been used by more than 25,000 people around the world to create high-performing innovation teams. In addition to being an advisor, speaker, and author on innovation, he serves as the Chief Innovation Evangelist for InnoCentive, a pioneer in the burgeoning field of open innovation.

Looking forward to hosting old friends from the Emory EMBA’00 Reunion.  Sharing and collecting good quotes about the impactful value of good wine:

“Good wine makes good blood;
Good blood causeth good humors;
Good humors cause good thoughts;
Good thoughts bring forth good works;
Good works carry a man to heaven.
Ergo:
Good wine carrieth a man to heaven.”
- James Howell, to Lord Clifford early seventeenth century

From Bob Zorowitz courtesy of Stephen Sondheim:

“Out of wine comes truth,
Out of truth the vision clears,
And with vision soon appears a grand design.
From the grand design
We can understand the world.
And when you understand the world,
You need a lot more wine.”

Players weren’t happy with the team’s leadership under Coach Raymond Domenech, so they refused to do their jobs. Team managers didn’t listen to the players, hurled insults, and lost control, and still another resigned. And now everyone is pointing fingers at each other.

It’s sounds like a typical day at any dysfunctional organization.

A lack of trust, respect and communication can doom any company — or any team — no matter how talented its players or employees or managers are, said David Nour, a consultant and author of “Relationship Economics” and “ConnectAbility”, who has also played and coached soccer.

Read the rest of the article here.

Ahh… To be carefree. How are you nurturing the inner child in you?

I recently had lunch with a colleague – let’s call him Bob, and couldn’t help but to make some general observations – not being judgmental, simply the blatant obvious: Bob has become fat, dumb & happy – and I’d submit by choice!  You see, Bob came up with an interesting idea in the mid 80s and became very engaged in consulting with global companies of varying sizes and industries.  For the past two decades Bob has milked every possible angle you can imagine on this simple (and at its height, unique and powerful) idea.

You can’t argue with success and by all measures, he was quite successful.  A fundamental problem with success is the danger of becoming complacent – exactly what happened to Bob.  He no longer felt that he needed to innovate and as such, his ideas are no longer relevant.  During our lunch visit when I inquired about how his business was doing, with a rejected look on his face, he simply replied “it has flat-lined.”  Of course, he offered a cadre of excuses related to the economy and comparatives to others he knew, none of whom I recognized as leaders in their respective fields.

I couldn’t help but notice that Bob’s jacket was too tight and that he was wearing his belt under rather than around his waist.  My impression is that Bob is probably 50 pounds over weight and badly out of shape; he began to breathe heavily as we were walking just a couple of blocks to our restaurant.  It’s evident that he has clearly lost his edge.

Not just in his physical appearance (compared to the pictures I had seen of him at the height of his success), but also in his content – vs. the audio sessions or video clips I had seen of him – energetic, vibrant, poignant, practical.  Watching those VHS tapes (don’t get me started on Bob and 21st century technology), you can’t help but to think, “boy, Bob was IT!”  Unfortunately, 20 years ago! 

More importantly, over lunch I gathered that Bob had also lost a great deal of his self-esteem / confidence as evident by the work that he is doing now – imagine someone who is used to working with senior executives at global companies (mahogany row), now working with completely obscure and miniscule / irrelevant organizations (the mail room) at a fraction of his fee or perceived value back then.

When I offered some suggestions, he was polite enough to jot them down, but you could clearly see his newly developed (and rather refined) low tolerance for risk.

In all fairness, I only spent a couple of hours with Bob and certainly am not privy to the bigger picture of what’s going on in his life.  And this article really isn’t about Bob – it’s about doing three things to stay relevant, sharp, and on the edge of business success – to not only survive in this or any other economy, but to thrive!

It’s been said that adversity reveals genius; prosperity conceals it.  This economy, this market, this difficult time that many of us going through is actually the perfect time to reinvent your business model, revenue model, or portfolio of most strategic and valuable relationships. 

Nour Call to Action

Aim to implement the following three best practices:

1. Get and stay in shape!  Physically and mentally.  There are far more credible sources that can validate the benefits of consistent physical exercise such as increased oxygen flow to your heart and brain.  When you get adequate sleep and are well rested, you function more effectively.  When you eat healthier, you feel better.  When you exercise your brain, you reestablish synapses which help you think more clearly and remember information more readily.  By the way – when I hear someone say they’re “too busy,” it simply means that whatever they’re making an excuse for is not a priority!  Because we will make time for things that are important to us.

2. Constantly innovate.  Some of my colleagues in the professional speaking or consulting world are deadly afraid of sharing their content / intellectual property (IP) online.  I have several of my presentations on slideshare.net – go ahead, view them, copy them, download them, and send them to everyone you know.  On RENetworks, our private enterprise social networking site, I’m constantly adding new and compelling content that you can download and implement in your relationship development or social networking efforts. 

Unlike some of my colleagues, I’m not afraid of putting my content out there for others to use, because the next time you see me present, it’ll be very different content.  We’re also fairly aggressive in trade marking or copywriting our IP.  When I began speaking professionally, I promised myself that I wouldn’t be a “pull-string” speaker.  What better way to research, re-build, and innovate your ideas than to share them with as many people as you can.  If you’ve heard my Adaptive Innovation™ keynote, I illustrate the “S” curve of innovation which simply shows that before the height of your current idea, you’re ideally working on the next evolution (if not revolution) of what’s next.  That’s why I love to read, write, and present to very diverse groups – as I research each one, as I go wider and deeper on key areas of Relationship Economics® or Social Networking Best Practices, I’m humbled by what I can learn and share with others.  In the process, you find ways to do things differently (true innovation) vs. simply just better (incrementalism).

3. Become a life-long learner!  How do you grow personally and professionally?  What do you read consistently to push you to think differently about topics you find of interest or value?  How do you try out new ideas?  One of my mentors reiterates that “if you’re not failing, you’re not trying!”  Because every failure brings (hopefully) valuable lessons learned – in how we evaluate a situation, how we react to it, and whether or not we are able to achieve the results we desire.  I value humor that bombs in my presentations, because I’ll go back and tweak them.  I put on workshops I’ve never conducted before, present webinars on new and exciting topics, collaborate with incredibly insightful thinkers whom I respect immensely, research a book that’s near & dear to my heart about those who escape the current dictatorship in Iran – all of which push me to raise the bar on my personal and professional growth

Questions Toward Getting Lean, Smart and Energized

So I have 3 simple questions of you:

1. What has to happen for you to commit to staying in physical and mental shape?  No one can light a fire under you; you have to find a way to light a fire within you!

2. What are three areas of your thinking or living you can do differently and innovate in the process?  Not just band-aids, but a real commitment to create (as Seth Godin calls) a movement of ideas, actions, or a purpose?

3. How can you raise the bar on your personal and professional growth?  In 20 years, will you still be relevant if you continue to ignore social networking trends that are reshaping basic tenets of business relationships?

Combine a dose of passion with a well-developed competence and the ability to excite or disturb others – get them to think differently about their current conditions, and your business will do far better than “flat line!”

© 2009 The Nour Group, Inc.  All Right Reserved.

Amazing how often we need to be reminded much more so than taught!  I found Dale Carnegie’s book on my bookshelf – this one from 1936.  Which advice here wouldn’t be an asset to your efforts today?

Best,

David

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’s attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

As a mentor of mine often says, “If you’re not tooting your own horn there is no music!” Those whose livelihoods depend on externally focused relationships such as business development professionals, all understand the power of reference selling.  In any economy there is an enormous level of comfort in a buyer’s journey when they get unsolicited recommendations from other satisfied buyers – it’s simply called “credibility by association.”

When I work with professional service providers, I often ask about their current or perspective client reference selling efforts. Recently, a consultant at a client complained that although she had extensive industry experience and subject matter expertise, she was seldom tapped into for possible client engagements. So naturally, I asked her “what are you doing to package, market, sale, and proactively reference her value add, within the firm?”  When she gave me a blank stare, I offered what I consider five best practices to reference selling and a way to effectively “toot your own horn.”

The Five Best Practices of How to Most Effectively Reference Sell Within Your Organization:

1. Document your STAR success:  What was the Scenario you found yourself in that was challenging, what Tactics did you apply, what Actions did you take, and what Results did you create? Keep it poignant and capture this information from the “buyer’s” perspective.
2. Make it visually appealing: Although the content is critical, turn raw text into an elegantly designed and visually appealing one-sheet presentation that connects your actions with your audience.
3. Target your distribution: Email the electronic version and physically mail professionally printed hard-copies to your most valuable relationships within the firm as well as external to the organization.
4. Mass appeal: After you discretely target, send your document out to a broader base for more widespread visibility. Be sure to use discretion with this dissemination, take caution with ensuring you have appropriate permissions. Everyone likes to hear success stories; send it to industry publications, and place in the organizational blog, speak at the local university, present a paper of your findings at a conference. Simply put, repurpose this success into multiple visibility avenues.
5. Specificity drives credibility: To the extent possible share how you accomplished the desired results, provide uncommon wisdom, and follow on access to resources. Give them web sites that support your findings or your contact information for them to learn more. Ideally, include a supporting quote from the customers which specifically addresses their experience and recognized results or outcomes from your efforts.

Nour Bonus Tip: Very few people will read reference letters; almost everyone will read reference snippets – short one or two sentences which extract the essence or the highlights of the reference letter. “Sam made the impossible possible.”

When done well, internal reference selling will create a stronger personal brand and also appropriately deserved recognition for meritocracy.  Most importantly, it will give others the ammunition to engage and invite you to other similar opportunities to deliver exceptional experiences and results for others.

How are you reference selling your core strengths?

When you’re a candidate for a promotion that ends up going to a peer, are you left wondering “why them and not me?”  Why were they promoted to manage or lead a broader realm of responsibilities, but not me? Why when I am the one who is more consistently and more recently invited to spend time with the boss, are they the one receiving the promotion?

If this has happened to you, I recommend you take some time for careful introspection regarding why you didn’t receive this growth opportunity. To do this effectively, I offer you 10 points to consider. 

10 Point Litmus Test: Be candid when considering these points and take some time for introspection.

1. Have I demonstrated performance under pressure?
2. Have I completed an initiative which clearly demonstrates my core strengths and capabilities? 
3. Have I consistently supported my colleagues by taking a genuine interest in their key initiatives, and by helping them to achieve quantifiable results?
4. Are my communications skills; written and oral, as proficient as they could be?
5. Have I consistently demonstrated the ability to confront others or issues with respect, and problem solve with decisiveness?
6. Have I achieved a high degree of influence to reinforce the ability of proactively engaging others and getting things done?
7. Have I supported my superiors by taking on difficult projects and offering value-based council?
8. Have I succinctly defined my long-term goals and objectives and do I have a road map of how my current and future activities will help me obtain my goals?
9. Have I consistently completed prioritized assignments for others before completing my own? In other words, have I put other people’s projects ahead of my own?
10. Have I established a strong personal brand of presence and upmost competence? 

Nour Call to Action

If you answered no to any of these questions, you may be prohibiting a potential promotion at your current organization. Sharp “A-Players” realize sooner or later you either move up or move out, so take steps to move up whether within your current position or into another organization.

Steps to Getting Off the Menu and invited to the Table

1. Get an independent assessment of where you are today by taking a behavioral or emotional survey such as Myers-Briggs®, DiSC, Hogan, Birkman, or HBDI™.
2. Engage Three Mentors: One within your organization, one within your industry and one completely outside of both. All with unique and candid insights on your core strengths and weaknesses.
3. Study or profile the leaders or the executives you wish to model yourself, and identify the gaps of your current abilities and where you would like to be in the future.
4. Invest time and resources with a career coach to help you identify strengths and weaknesses. 
5. Read Relationship Economics and apply the Relationship Currency® Roadmap

How are you staying off of the menu?

This is from Tim Fulton’s always interesting Small Business Matters newsletter:

• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers are now Fairwell Honeychild
• Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler are now Poly-Warner-Cracker
• 3M and Goodyear are now mmmGood
• John Deere and Abitibi-Price are now Deere Abi
• Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil are now Honey, I’m Home
• Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining are now Mine, All Mine
• Knott’s Berry Farm and National Organization of Women are now Knott NOW!
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining are now Zip Audi Do-Da