I don’t know about your business, but mine tends to slow down twice a year: mid year, around the 4th of July holiday and right about now – as most of the business winds down for the Christmas holidays.  So, like many people I take some time off to spend with my family.  Many call that work-life balance; I just need that intentional time to really disengage from work and it helps me think about, focus on, prioritize, pay attention to all these other things that are equally important in my life.

A few years ago, I also blocked off time on the calendar for this type of forced introspection.  I clear off my desk, throw out all of those gilt-written to-do lists that I didn’t get to, throw out boxes of recycled newspapers and magazines, and really try to clean up and clear out my work area.  I review my notes throughout the year, client meetings, phone conversations, opportunities won and lost.  Relationships I’ve touched and those who impacted me more than a cordial interaction.  Think of this as spring cleaning for your brain and I’d submit it’s an essential part of your personal and professional growth – if you don’t ever clean anything out, how will you make room for more ideas, more key initiatives, and just as important, more strategic relationships.

So, use some time during this holiday season to really think about your strategic relationships this past year.  Where did you invest time and effort?  Whom did you neglect?  Where do you need to prioritize your strategic relationship investments in 2012?  Make an intentional list of the type of relationship-builder you want to become vs. just that you want to achieve and really work on those attributes, those relationships, those friendship that will help you grow in the New Year.

After all, holidays are for more than just gift giving.  It’s a great time for gift receiving – in forms of introspection that will help you grow, personally and professionally.  Talk about a gift that keeps on giving.

Happy Holidays,
David

p.s.

If you haven’t yet, check out these channels to subscribe to various insights from our team in 2012…

I’m working with a client who is the CEO of a 2,000+ employee organization on helping him, his senior leadership team and his board become more customer / member-centric (central theme of the newly released Return on Impact book).  They’re in the hospitality industry and as I travel with this CEO and observe his behavior, it’s clear one of the fundamental assets which has made him very successful over the years.

Beyond the entrepreneurial drive, passion for the business, and a great judge of quality talent, he is meticulous about the details.  He is very astute at quickly soaking in all of his surroundings and methodically comparing and contrasting what he experiences with his expectations.  He is a life-long learner, always looking to create an edge in the experiences he creates for his guests vs. the competitive establishments, and not much goes by him without notice.

Your relationships require the same due diligence and attention to details.  Details about an individual become the fabric or the texture of the relationship.  Their likes, dislikes, tastes, preferences, communication styles, and expectations are all important details that you must capture, remember, repeat, and align over time to elevate the relationship from the mundane and the bland, to the extraordinary, memorable, and impactful.

In 2012, focus on fewer but richer relationships that have the detailed texture.  They’ll become a much stronger asset to you in time of need vs. the superficial ones many people develop in passing.  Fewer, more impactful relationships are candid.  They will tell you what you need to hear vs. what you want to hear.  They’ll help you grow personally and professionally.  They’ll introduce you to other strategic relationships which will elevate your perspective, thinking, or insights about a challenge or a market opportunity.  Real relationships will open up doors to new possibilities.

But none of that is possible, if you don’t pay attention to the details.  The relationships devils really are in the details.

Make it a great week,
David

When I hear someone say they’re too busy, you know what that means?  That it’s not important enough.  Think about it – we make time for things that are important.  Most people I know are taking off some time during the upcoming holidays to appreciate their time with loved ones.  We make time to return calls to some people but not others.  We make time to meet with some people but not others.  We make time to respond to emails by some people not others.  Most of our day is about choices.  I would submit, it’s also about the relationships we choose to invest in.

Personal relationships like us for who we are, worts and all.  Functional relationships are the ones we put up with because we have to – let’s be honest, some of our colleagues, clients, or vendors.  Strategic relationships elevate your thinking, enhance your perspective, help you see further or reach greater heights than you can imagine – in your personal and professional growth.  So, regardless of what else you have scheduled on a calendar, always make time for your strategic relationships.  You just never know when that one coffee visit, lunch meeting, or invite to come and speak to a group of executives could turn out to be the best decision you’ve made all year!

After all, we’re all busy!

What relationships have you neglected in 2011 that it’s time you prioritized and invested in 2012?

“Hi David – It’s good to hear from you and of the completion of your latest book.  After checking with my bosses I’m going to have to decline your request.  They don’t want me, or anyone else in the firm, endorsing others products including books. Best wishes on the release.”

That’s an email that you don’t expect to receive.  As many of you know, I’ve been working on the release of my 4th commercial book, Return on Impact – Leadership Strategies for the Age of Connected Relationships (ASAE, 2012).  As it’s customary, I’ve reached out to a dozen or so current and past clients with key insights about the book and have asked them for endorsements / testimonials of our work together.  Here are just two kind ones:

“In Relationship Economics, David Nour articulated the strategic value of business relationships.  In Return on Impact, he forces the reader to question what value they are really adding and how to measure the impact of social as a business enabler on those strategic relationships.”  – Randy Seidl, SVP & GM Americas – Hewlett-Packard Enterprise Servers, Storage, & Networking

“David Nour spoke to our leadership and board and without question, they chose to think and lead differently than our industry counterparts shortly after his session.  If you’re trying to help your organization get beyond reactive social media, Return On Impact is your roadmap to a more strategic approach to social.” – Barbara Springer, General Counsel & Vice President Administration – Delta Dental of Colorado

But the one at the top of this post, really disappointed me because I pride myself in my work and the impact I try to create for my clients.  So I start thinking about how or why had my “equity” declined from being “one of the best speakers we’ve ever had,” and “well done” by a senior executives after a consulting engagement to the comment above?

Here are some predictions that I hope you can apply in your relationships moving forward:

1. Relationship Currency® is like cash – it has immediate value; people will remember your impact from last week; they may or may not remember your efforts from 2 years ago!  In hindsight, my boat to ask for a testimonial or an endorsement from this client, sailed long ago!
2. Reputation Capital® is relative – even a great house on a bad street will have a hard time selling; one strong impact can easily be negated by other misperceptions, competing priorities, or much more visible impact from other individuals or initiatives.  Think of how close you were to your next door neighbors, until they moved!  Because the context of the relationship changed, the fact that they lent you every tool you ever needed, turned off the alarm at your house when you were traveling, or babysat your kids is no longer relevant or a priority.
3. Some lessons are expensive and detrimental to the relationship – with this particular client, I made a comment to one of their partners, which in hindsight, I regret and it created a mountain from a mole hill.  I don’t think I ever recovered from that as evident by the comment above.  We all say and do things that we regret later.  That’s what makes us human.  You have to learn from those lessons and grow through them in your professional relationship development maturity.

Finally, your Professional Net Worth® is developed over the years and through countless relationship currency exchanges and the accumulation of your reputation capital.  If you build an over abundance of relationship assets, they will negate the relationship liabilities we tend to create, regardless of how unintentional they may be.  So although it’s human to want to be liked, I’m learning that it may be more valuable in the long run to be respected.  And nothing creates and protects respect more than performance, execution and results.

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holidays, my goal and prayer for 2012 is that the good Lord keeps me humble, focused, willing and able to make promises I can keep, remain a student of business relationships, and continue to add value to those I’m lucky enough to meet.  The rest, I’m not sure I can control.

How is your reputation capital and how do you know?

Did you know that most people make up their first impression of someone in the first 7-10 seconds of interacting with them?  The amazing aspect is that the other person doesn’t even have to say anything!  It has a great deal to do with how they look, how they carry themselves, and the context of the interaction – whether they were on time, who they were with, how they arrived, etc.

More importantly, once an initial interaction has been established, sociologists tell us that we give a little, they take, they judge, they give a little, we take, we judge, and we give a little more back.  This exchange continues for some time and the more comfortable we feel in that interaction, the more we tend to get beyond a facade and share pertinent or particularly valuable information.  As such, most people cement their initial impression in the first 10 minutes of the interaction.  Most people have two opportunities from that initial interaction – they’ll either enhance their perceived credibility or dilute it.  In what they say, what they do, how they behave, the value-add they bring to the table, and the caliber of the questions they ask!

So, here are five ideas to think about as you engage your most valuable business relationships:

1. Always look the part, be prompt, and do your homework before you show up!
2. Ask engaging and compelling questions to demonstrate your credibility and interest.
3. Provoke, provide a contrarian perspective, add-value in every interaction
4. Deliver what you promise, when you promise it – we tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in the short-term, and underestimate what we can achieve in the long term.
5. Remember the Relationship Currency Roadmap – what business goal am I trying to achieve that I can without a portfolio of relationships, who do I need, who do I know, how do I add value to key members of my relationship bank consistently to accelerate access to or an opportunity with the relationships I need to accelerate my ability to get things done!

I continue to be surprised by those who write me to say that the process actually works!  Basketball at its core, is about dribbling, passing and shooting.  Relationships at their core are about value-based interactions, credibility, and trust consistently over a period of time.

How are you adding value to everyone you meet at every opportunity?

Relationship Economics Tip of the Week – as shared in RENetworks - our private, intelligent social network, or within the Relationship Economics Group on LinkedIn.  Come join the conversation…

“You’re smart but you’re abrasive,” or “there was a definite discomfort with you,” or “your tone and language came across as condescending or dismissive” are all very difficult comments for anyone to hear.  After all, we’re social creatures – as much as we tell ourselves otherwise, we want to be liked, accepted, embraced, and appreciated.  That’s where professional maturity and the growing edge in each of us come out.

When someone you really respect takes the time to provide you candid insights on how your signals are being received – regardless of the intent in which they’re being sent – that’s NOT the time to get defensive or feel like you have to prove something.  That’s exactly the right time to listen – really listen to what they’re saying, ask for evidence in observable behavior, and be humble enough to ask for help in overcoming that particular shortcoming.  We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make mistakes and since behavior is consistent, the only place to go in business relationships when you receive the gift of candor, is up!

“Thank you for bringing that to my attention – I wasn’t aware that’s how I was projecting my position,” is a great next conversation.  “Any suggestions on how I can improve my demeanor in this specific area?”  Now you’re open and willing to listen, really hear, and internalize the recommendations:

1.  Let people finish their comments, questions, or perspectives;
2. Share insights as a colleague not a teacher;
3. Pick and choose your spots to add value = “here is what I’ve experienced, not sure you’ve seen the same, but could it be…”

My first impression when I heard this approach was “give me a break – I know the answers, why can’t I just tell them what I think?”  Because they won’t care until they see the real collaborator in you as a peer vs. what is perceived to be a confrontational superior!  That’s the fundamental difference between the art of business relationships.

Candor may be difficult to hear, embrace, or internalize at first; let it percolate a bit without a knee jerk reaction and it’s amazing how enlightening it can be in the morning!  How has candor helped you grow personally or professionally in the past?

By the way, it’s Tuesday – which strategic relationships will you choose to invest in this week?  @davidnour

ASAE Annual Meeting Daily Now – 2011 Annual Meeting & Expo

Really enjoyed the roundtable discussion with the senior folks on Sun night (although I learned the lesson about the perceived “fairness” of giveaways; next time).  The session on “How Will You Lead Differently” was the first presentations of the research from the upcoming Return on Impact book (#ROIBook) – positive feedback from the attendees and strong intrigue in how to elevate social to a strategic conversation.  “What IF…” conversations were retweeted by several attendees.  Will post info on the forthcoming IMPACT community, webinar series, and the board executive briefings in the next few weeks.  Thanks to all who were in St. Louis and continue to support my work on strategic, connected relationships.

If you purchased the Relationship Economics Updated and Revised edition from the ASAE Bookstore, email me your contact info and I’ll send you my second book, ConnectAbility, for free. With my best, David

Symptoms: “That’s not how we do things around here,” “it works just fine,” “we tried that years ago and it didn’t work.”  Let’s perpetuate what worked last year.  That’s why we have org charts – so no one runs off the deep end and spends money on anything that wasn’t approved by “corporate.”  “The boss will never go for that; besides, it doesn’t seem practical or necessary.”  Let’s institutionalize initial metrics and insist that any innovation achieves its proper margin, order size or net price or be abandoned – regardless of shifting market demands or potential future growth.The finance department must review all proposals concerning new products, distributors, manufacturing processes, or market entries and comment on whether they meet internal gross margin, net margin, risk-adjusted ROI, challenging anything outside of the most common historical practices.  “General council’s office must review any and all of our corporate tweets;” I actually heard this one from a client company!

The marketing department tightly controls what products or services can carry the company’s brand name, and resists selling through new distribution channels, such as direct to consumers, for fear of upsetting old distribution lines.

Diagnosis: Stop others from trying anything new; don’t rock the boat; if it isn’t broken, leave it alone; it’s not your problem.  Protect old norms at all costs.  Avoid venturing into new products or distribution channels regardless of what’s happening in the market.

In short, Status Quo is a killer disease, suffocating a fragile ecosystem and depriving it of fresh ideas, energetic new blood in key roles, air to circulate the constantly recycled stuff everyone’s been breathing for the past 100 years, and sunshine to shed new light on the dark corners of the office we just don’t talk about.

Examples: Microsoft’s commitment to PC technology has helped it lose market share in smart phones, delayed its entry into the much anticipated and growth-oriented tablet business, and left it in the cold with living room hubs (what Xbox is desperately trying to become).

AT&T and its bureaucratic structure was so dedicated to the sale of its landline long-distance services, that it ignored such players as Skype, fixed price wireless, and technologies such as VoIP.  While revenue growth and profits disappeared, AT&T approached bankruptcy and was acquired by Southwestern Bell.

Motorola avoided smartphones (as too small of a business and niche oriented, even with higher margins), and instead stayed on course with sales of regular phones and pagers (anyone remember those?)

Digital Equipment (DEC) and SiliconGraphics (SGI) banked their business on proprietary, expensive technologies in computer-aided design and manufacturing software; both companies’ stubbornness and dismal, visionless leadership drove them into the ground.

Treatment: Such destructive norms couldn’t be sustained if it weren’t for the “get along, go along” status quo pushers.  Like ruthless meth dealers at dodgy, dark, stranded street corners, their job ensures that the historical ways of doing business are not disturbed.  Their intent has seldom enhanced or elevated business results; to the contrary, it’s made  sure that the organization stays with the tried and true, regardless of the results.  They assume the results will be fine if the status quo continues.

The treatment is one of a process, and not a system.  It is Relationship Centric Innovation!  Think of this process as an evolution if you can:

• Create a Spark;
• Fan the Flames; and
• Fuel the Fire!

Create a spark by hiring the extraordinary – thinkers, doers, and status quo busters.  Look in their pasts for signs of relationship-centric approaches in how they’ve learned new skills, accomplished key goals and objectives, and have moved the needle of those who mattered.  If you’re in a mature industry or business, hire young, wild guns for their energy, enthusiasm, and (shocker) new perspective in looking at the same, old business.

Fan the flames by creating formal and informal mentoring teams both within as well as external to the organization.  Don’t send your top performers to some stale, pre-historic, death by case-study education weekends.  Send them to IDEO, Apple, Starbucks, or Amazon.com for a week – to observe, ask compelling questions, and internalize why you do some of the things you do; force them to create their own case studies.  Ask them to come back with 10 ideas, build compelling pilot cases around those, and present the top 3 ideas that will put your company out of business IF you don’t pursue them, to an executive champion AND a board member (to bypass the corporate filtering).

Fuel the fire by asking people to spend 10-20% of their time on new ideas with their strategic relationships, and hold them accountable for cannibalizing the current products, services, or thinking – consistently. Fund new pilot campaigns, promote real innovators for more interesting projects with less bureaucracy not more, and ask high performers to create their own corporate ladder. Stand back in amazement at how often they may surprise you!  Build strategic relationship ideation off-site sessions into the annual calendar.  When you do have a chance to get disparate parts of the organization together, create intentional opportunities for them to mind map how to do things differently (real innovation) vs. just better than last year (incrementalism).

Status quo cannot be taken lightly.  It’s a killer disease as evident by countless high profile individuals and organizations left for dead by its silent presence.  Don’t let it suck the remaining life out of you or your organization.  Fight.

I’ve been a long time AT&T customer and have 7 mobile lines with them – of course you couldn’t tell by countless frustrations trying to deal with their bureaucracy, getting bill issues resolved, and my personal favorite – disconnecting my cell # for delayed payment while I’m in Europe!!  But spending a week in Las Vegas with the worst reception ever – dropped calls on my iPhone, dial-up connectivity with my 3G data card, etc. frustrated me to explore other options.  Of course I’m contractually a servant to them for the next couple of years, but I’m determined to explore other options.

So, I took yesterday afternoon off and visited three different stores (actual retail locations and not resellers): Sprint, Verizon & AT&T.  Here is a brief summary of my experience:

Sprint – no fault of theirs, but the particular shopping strip of this retail store is going through a massive renovation.  I had to park several blocks away and fight my way through dust, dirt, concrete slabs, and tapped off areas to get to the store.  I walk in, it’s crowded, and no real order or logic for how they’re receiving customers!  I finally asked an employee if they had a sign-in sheet – seems to be the norm at these place now, not sure why.  Of particular interest was the EVO 4G phone I’ve seen several ads for – I found my way to the display area, and after about 20 min, a woman in the back shouts out my name.  Not particularly impressive, chewing gum, unpolished, and fumbled several seemingly straightforward questions about options, services, etc.  She had to ask several people for help and during one of several trips when she went hunting for information, I called my wife – good reception, and checked our Relationship Economics website – good speed.  She gave me her card and a cheesy line about “we’d love to earn your business.”  Thought I was in a used car lot for a minute.  I wrote down a handful of prices, rebates, and monthly plan restrictions, thanked her and left.

Verizon - brand new shopping strip right down the street, parked right up front, walked in and to my surprise – it was completely empty!  A manager type met me at the door on his way out and introduced me to a sales rep – behind a counter.  I asked if I could look at several Droid phones – for which, again, I’ve seen several recent ads.  He was polite, gave me good information, several options, and was knowledgeable but I felt like I was fumbling my way around the phone navigation.  Likewise, called the wife – she said I sounded like I was in a tunnel and the same access to our website, took forever to load!  Wrote down comparable device prices, rebates, and monthly plans restrictions, thanked the young man and left.

AT&T - dark parking lot, but bright store, not too busy, a sales rep saw me right away.  We pulled up my account info, and found out that a couple of accounts were no longer under contract – canceled them immediately, but purchased an iPhone 4 – more thanks to Apple’s innovation than AT&T’s coverage.  The rep had an awful time with their internal system – pulling up my account, moving lines around, canceling lines, etc.  It also bothered me that he was way too pushy with their in-home service, i.e. Uverse? in which I had no interest.  I paid my current bill, paid for the new device, thanked him and left – an hour and half after I had walked in!!  It reminded me of the DMV and getting my license renewed!

Bottom line – I’m still searching for a decent secondary device and consistent reception.  Amazing that they all advertise great coverage, great devices, “rule the air” ads, yet when the experience on the ground – at the edge of business where it matters the most, is tested, it falls way short of what their CEOs get on TV and promise!

1. I wonder when was the last time any of them visited their own retail stores?
2. I wonder if any have an executive in charge of retail customer experiences – because based on my experiences yesterday, all three should be fired.
3. I wonder who does field training for these companies and if they get the age-old notion of: “like me – know me – trust me – pay me!”

Here is another good one for you – not a single person asked any questions about what I used the smart phone for!!  Nothing about my digital habits, usage, current provider, current device, current spending, desired features / functionality, decision criteria of one device & provider over another, and what brought me into their stores!  They ALL simply started blabbering about their products and services – without a single clue as to a holistic customer life cycle!  I wonder if they realize that the customer experiences they create – or lack thereof, speaks far greater volume than their ads, rebates, and corporate marketing efforts?

How are you stress testing the customer experience others get when they deal with you and your organization?

Here is an interesting twist – send out a survey to your membership to decide your next annual convention’s keynote speakers!  I get what they’re trying to do – I’m just curious, is it lack of vision by a committee or trying so hard to be all inclusive? 

A mentor often reminds me that "(Blanket statement warning): HR is a low value, low contribution profession, into which people are shunted for two reasons: they can’t perform well in more important roles, or the company is trying to prove how "diverse" it is by promoting women and minorities (into non-imporant roles); and from which you cannot name me two CEOs in the last decade to have emerged in Fortune 500 companies."

Here is the interesting part – I’m in the professional speaking business and I’ve never heard of some of these people!  It takes a license to go fish, but amazing how some organizations will put any yahoo on a stage!  And then they wonder, why people don’t attend next year’s conference.

What do you think?