I don’t know about your business, but mine tends to slow down twice a year: mid year, around the 4th of July holiday and right about now – as most of the business winds down for the Christmas holidays.  So, like many people I take some time off to spend with my family.  Many call that work-life balance; I just need that intentional time to really disengage from work and it helps me think about, focus on, prioritize, pay attention to all these other things that are equally important in my life.

A few years ago, I also blocked off time on the calendar for this type of forced introspection.  I clear off my desk, throw out all of those gilt-written to-do lists that I didn’t get to, throw out boxes of recycled newspapers and magazines, and really try to clean up and clear out my work area.  I review my notes throughout the year, client meetings, phone conversations, opportunities won and lost.  Relationships I’ve touched and those who impacted me more than a cordial interaction.  Think of this as spring cleaning for your brain and I’d submit it’s an essential part of your personal and professional growth – if you don’t ever clean anything out, how will you make room for more ideas, more key initiatives, and just as important, more strategic relationships.

So, use some time during this holiday season to really think about your strategic relationships this past year.  Where did you invest time and effort?  Whom did you neglect?  Where do you need to prioritize your strategic relationship investments in 2012?  Make an intentional list of the type of relationship-builder you want to become vs. just that you want to achieve and really work on those attributes, those relationships, those friendship that will help you grow in the New Year.

After all, holidays are for more than just gift giving.  It’s a great time for gift receiving – in forms of introspection that will help you grow, personally and professionally.  Talk about a gift that keeps on giving.

Happy Holidays,
David

p.s.

If you haven’t yet, check out these channels to subscribe to various insights from our team in 2012…

I’m working with a client who is the CEO of a 2,000+ employee organization on helping him, his senior leadership team and his board become more customer / member-centric (central theme of the newly released Return on Impact book).  They’re in the hospitality industry and as I travel with this CEO and observe his behavior, it’s clear one of the fundamental assets which has made him very successful over the years.

Beyond the entrepreneurial drive, passion for the business, and a great judge of quality talent, he is meticulous about the details.  He is very astute at quickly soaking in all of his surroundings and methodically comparing and contrasting what he experiences with his expectations.  He is a life-long learner, always looking to create an edge in the experiences he creates for his guests vs. the competitive establishments, and not much goes by him without notice.

Your relationships require the same due diligence and attention to details.  Details about an individual become the fabric or the texture of the relationship.  Their likes, dislikes, tastes, preferences, communication styles, and expectations are all important details that you must capture, remember, repeat, and align over time to elevate the relationship from the mundane and the bland, to the extraordinary, memorable, and impactful.

In 2012, focus on fewer but richer relationships that have the detailed texture.  They’ll become a much stronger asset to you in time of need vs. the superficial ones many people develop in passing.  Fewer, more impactful relationships are candid.  They will tell you what you need to hear vs. what you want to hear.  They’ll help you grow personally and professionally.  They’ll introduce you to other strategic relationships which will elevate your perspective, thinking, or insights about a challenge or a market opportunity.  Real relationships will open up doors to new possibilities.

But none of that is possible, if you don’t pay attention to the details.  The relationships devils really are in the details.

Make it a great week,
David

When I hear someone say they’re too busy, you know what that means?  That it’s not important enough.  Think about it – we make time for things that are important.  Most people I know are taking off some time during the upcoming holidays to appreciate their time with loved ones.  We make time to return calls to some people but not others.  We make time to meet with some people but not others.  We make time to respond to emails by some people not others.  Most of our day is about choices.  I would submit, it’s also about the relationships we choose to invest in.

Personal relationships like us for who we are, worts and all.  Functional relationships are the ones we put up with because we have to – let’s be honest, some of our colleagues, clients, or vendors.  Strategic relationships elevate your thinking, enhance your perspective, help you see further or reach greater heights than you can imagine – in your personal and professional growth.  So, regardless of what else you have scheduled on a calendar, always make time for your strategic relationships.  You just never know when that one coffee visit, lunch meeting, or invite to come and speak to a group of executives could turn out to be the best decision you’ve made all year!

After all, we’re all busy!

What relationships have you neglected in 2011 that it’s time you prioritized and invested in 2012?

“Hi David – It’s good to hear from you and of the completion of your latest book.  After checking with my bosses I’m going to have to decline your request.  They don’t want me, or anyone else in the firm, endorsing others products including books. Best wishes on the release.”

That’s an email that you don’t expect to receive.  As many of you know, I’ve been working on the release of my 4th commercial book, Return on Impact – Leadership Strategies for the Age of Connected Relationships (ASAE, 2012).  As it’s customary, I’ve reached out to a dozen or so current and past clients with key insights about the book and have asked them for endorsements / testimonials of our work together.  Here are just two kind ones:

“In Relationship Economics, David Nour articulated the strategic value of business relationships.  In Return on Impact, he forces the reader to question what value they are really adding and how to measure the impact of social as a business enabler on those strategic relationships.”  – Randy Seidl, SVP & GM Americas – Hewlett-Packard Enterprise Servers, Storage, & Networking

“David Nour spoke to our leadership and board and without question, they chose to think and lead differently than our industry counterparts shortly after his session.  If you’re trying to help your organization get beyond reactive social media, Return On Impact is your roadmap to a more strategic approach to social.” – Barbara Springer, General Counsel & Vice President Administration – Delta Dental of Colorado

But the one at the top of this post, really disappointed me because I pride myself in my work and the impact I try to create for my clients.  So I start thinking about how or why had my “equity” declined from being “one of the best speakers we’ve ever had,” and “well done” by a senior executives after a consulting engagement to the comment above?

Here are some predictions that I hope you can apply in your relationships moving forward:

1. Relationship Currency® is like cash – it has immediate value; people will remember your impact from last week; they may or may not remember your efforts from 2 years ago!  In hindsight, my boat to ask for a testimonial or an endorsement from this client, sailed long ago!
2. Reputation Capital® is relative – even a great house on a bad street will have a hard time selling; one strong impact can easily be negated by other misperceptions, competing priorities, or much more visible impact from other individuals or initiatives.  Think of how close you were to your next door neighbors, until they moved!  Because the context of the relationship changed, the fact that they lent you every tool you ever needed, turned off the alarm at your house when you were traveling, or babysat your kids is no longer relevant or a priority.
3. Some lessons are expensive and detrimental to the relationship – with this particular client, I made a comment to one of their partners, which in hindsight, I regret and it created a mountain from a mole hill.  I don’t think I ever recovered from that as evident by the comment above.  We all say and do things that we regret later.  That’s what makes us human.  You have to learn from those lessons and grow through them in your professional relationship development maturity.

Finally, your Professional Net Worth® is developed over the years and through countless relationship currency exchanges and the accumulation of your reputation capital.  If you build an over abundance of relationship assets, they will negate the relationship liabilities we tend to create, regardless of how unintentional they may be.  So although it’s human to want to be liked, I’m learning that it may be more valuable in the long run to be respected.  And nothing creates and protects respect more than performance, execution and results.

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holidays, my goal and prayer for 2012 is that the good Lord keeps me humble, focused, willing and able to make promises I can keep, remain a student of business relationships, and continue to add value to those I’m lucky enough to meet.  The rest, I’m not sure I can control.

How is your reputation capital and how do you know?

ASAE is hosting its Annual Tech Conference, December 6-8, at the Washington Convention Center in Washington, DC. CEOs, CTOs, CIOs, other technology staff, and marketing and membership professionals will learn how to leverage mobile and digital content for their organizations.

Here are some of the 50+ topics on the agenda: how to create a profitable mobile application, how to handle challenges with an online community, how to develop a user’s experience using a cloud strategy, and how to use Google Analytics.  The three-day technology conference starts with a keynote from AAIM’s CEO John Mancini. He will discuss the social (So), local (Lo) and mobile (Mo) and the implications of “SoLoMo” as well as tactics CIOs should adopt to be “business value producers.”

On Wednesday, December 7, I’ll do a luncheon keynote on the quantifiable business impact of social.  I also hope to challenge the attendees to rethink their strategic use of social tools and context in order to achieve social market leadership. I’m really excited about my forthcoming book published by ASAE’s Association Management Press, Return on IMPACT: Leadership Strategies for the Age of Connected Relationships.

Closing General Session speaker will be David Weinberger, senior researcher at Harvard University’s Berkman Center for the Internet and Society, who will address the future vision of knowledge in a connected world and how government, business, science and education are learning to utilize network knowledge to make smarter decisions.

To register or find out more information, please visit ASAE’s Annual Technology Conference and Expo website.

By the way, ASAE is a membership organization of more than 22,000 association executives and industry partners representing more than 11,000 organizations. Its members manage leading trade associations, individual membership societies and voluntary organizations across the United States and in nearly 50 countries around the world. With support of the ASAE Foundation, a separate nonprofit entity, ASAE is the premier source of learning, knowledge and future-oriented research for the association and nonprofit profession, and provides resources, education, ideas and advocacy to enhance the power and performance of the association and nonprofit community. For more information about ASAE, visit www.asaecenter.org.

I’ve been thinking a lot about why some relationships work consistently over time and why others simply falter or fade?  Why do we prioritize working with or investing in some people more than others over a period of time?  Why do we refer or introduce some of our relationships to others more often?

I would submit it’s the intersection of 3 key drivers:

1. What do our target relationships really need?  Understanding that which they’re struggling with, or are challenged to accomplish or really want someone else to take off their plate, help them understand and apply or implement, can all be bucketed in their “relationship needs.”
2. What are they NOT getting from others?  If you think about it, when it comes to relationships, we’re all competing for mindshare, so what are their other relationships NOT providing for them, satisfying, addressing, or otherwise impacting?
3. Lastly, what are our relationship development strengths?  What specific assets do we offer that could be of particular value or interest to others?  I would submit most of what we bring to the table fall in one of five categories: time, talent, knowledge, access to an influential relationship or behavioral

My supposition is that the more value-add you’re offering to your relationships that are competitive, distinct or unique, the higher priority you become, the more longevity you create in the relationship, and the stronger the relationship pull / gravity – you become an object of interest.

What’s critical is that a) you find distinct or unique value-added approaches to become an object of interest, b) you create, package, market, and sell your unique brand / value-add as an asset to others, and c) that you translate your value-add to impact realized by the other party.  If they don’t connect the dot that your value-delivered created a better outcome for them, you will get lost in the market noise.

Thinking about your own portfolio of relationships, why do some return your calls and emails within 24 hours, and others are simply “too busy” to respond?

Relationship Economics Tip of the Week – as shared in RENetworks - our private, intelligent social network, or within the Relationship Economics Group on LinkedIn.  Come join the conversation…

“You’re smart but you’re abrasive,” or “there was a definite discomfort with you,” or “your tone and language came across as condescending or dismissive” are all very difficult comments for anyone to hear.  After all, we’re social creatures – as much as we tell ourselves otherwise, we want to be liked, accepted, embraced, and appreciated.  That’s where professional maturity and the growing edge in each of us come out.

When someone you really respect takes the time to provide you candid insights on how your signals are being received – regardless of the intent in which they’re being sent – that’s NOT the time to get defensive or feel like you have to prove something.  That’s exactly the right time to listen – really listen to what they’re saying, ask for evidence in observable behavior, and be humble enough to ask for help in overcoming that particular shortcoming.  We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t make mistakes and since behavior is consistent, the only place to go in business relationships when you receive the gift of candor, is up!

“Thank you for bringing that to my attention – I wasn’t aware that’s how I was projecting my position,” is a great next conversation.  “Any suggestions on how I can improve my demeanor in this specific area?”  Now you’re open and willing to listen, really hear, and internalize the recommendations:

1.  Let people finish their comments, questions, or perspectives;
2. Share insights as a colleague not a teacher;
3. Pick and choose your spots to add value = “here is what I’ve experienced, not sure you’ve seen the same, but could it be…”

My first impression when I heard this approach was “give me a break – I know the answers, why can’t I just tell them what I think?”  Because they won’t care until they see the real collaborator in you as a peer vs. what is perceived to be a confrontational superior!  That’s the fundamental difference between the art of business relationships.

Candor may be difficult to hear, embrace, or internalize at first; let it percolate a bit without a knee jerk reaction and it’s amazing how enlightening it can be in the morning!  How has candor helped you grow personally or professionally in the past?

By the way, it’s Tuesday – which strategic relationships will you choose to invest in this week?  @davidnour

The courage that Jack Kennedy displayed in facing down the Cuban missile crisis, that Churchill showed in fostering Britons’ courage to show a stiff upper lip in the face of Nazi bombing, that any leader musters when he or she reaches out for the right decision and the rest of the organization subsequently breathes a sigh of relief – this action is brought about by the courage to recognize the prevailing sense of what truly is, beyond ego-bound attempts to confuse the issue.

The word courage has its root in the old French word corage, associated with the modern French word for heart – coeur. Courage is heartfelt. It stems from deep within, from the real self.

True leadership is heartfelt; otherwise it is mere management.

The deepest form of leadership is the ability to stand up to the greatest of crises, reach down to one’s real self in terms of naked courage, and communicate with heartfelt eloquence a solution that others can understand instantly and embrace collectively. But such awareness does not have to be postponed until such crises test the leader; it can exist from day to day if the leader and the organization choose to value it as a working priority.

All humans are complex and so are all leaders. There is no pure essence of awareness that isn’t met by complex factors teasing its saintly values. The finest quality of awareness of relationships, when it does prevail, is what remains after all human complexities fall away to allow the true self to shine through at critical moments. By reaching down to the real self, a leader can simultaneously reach across to the collective awareness in the audience being addressed. It’s as if the sense of uniqueness, though real for each individual, is at the same time a myth. In other words, we’re not that different from one another in our deepest fears and concerns. The quality of awareness – that all feel through the eloquence of the leader’s sharing his or her true self, in that moment – transcends any differences.

Another way of putting it: the most unique and unutterable aloneness we can feel is in itself a universal experience. The greatest leaders have the courage to bridge that universal quality. Remember FDR’s historic statement, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” With that simple statement, he reached all those who heard his words at the core of their inner being. This is the most powerful stance for mastering emotional communication in any business organization in order to bring out the most productive potential in individuals comprising the workforce. Whether it is laughter in the hallway or tension in the boardroom, a true leader masters troubling emotions and creates an opportunity for greater success at every level of the organization.

Interested in learning more? Be sure to take advantage of the additional resources Relationship Economics has to offer:

• Sign up for the Relationship Economics Monthly Newsletter and receive poignant, practical and insightful advice regarding business relationships and social networking best practices.
• Attend the next Relationship Economics @ Work Webinar series and learn ways your company can experience unprecedented growth!
• Text ‘RETip’ to 90210 and receive real-time business relationship insight and tips. Opt-out at anytime.
• Join the Relationship Economics Group on LinkedIn and join in on the conversation.
• Follow me on Twitter.

ASAE Annual Meeting Daily Now – 2011 Annual Meeting & Expo

Really enjoyed the roundtable discussion with the senior folks on Sun night (although I learned the lesson about the perceived “fairness” of giveaways; next time).  The session on “How Will You Lead Differently” was the first presentations of the research from the upcoming Return on Impact book (#ROIBook) – positive feedback from the attendees and strong intrigue in how to elevate social to a strategic conversation.  “What IF…” conversations were retweeted by several attendees.  Will post info on the forthcoming IMPACT community, webinar series, and the board executive briefings in the next few weeks.  Thanks to all who were in St. Louis and continue to support my work on strategic, connected relationships.

If you purchased the Relationship Economics Updated and Revised edition from the ASAE Bookstore, email me your contact info and I’ll send you my second book, ConnectAbility, for free. With my best, David

This question should be on everyone’s minds, especially if you run an Association. Members are looking for increased value based upon their relationship with you and your organization. How can you meet those increased expectations?

Join me at the ASAE Annual Meeting and Exposition in St. Louis, MO to find the answer (http://www.asaeannualmeeting.org/). I’ll be presenting the topic below on August 8 and would love to see you there!

Interested in learning more? Be sure to take advantage of the additional resources Relationship Economics has to offer: