The Nour kids have been attending an amazing local camp by the Museum of Design Atlanta to design and build robots from LEGOs.  The two of them can’t stop talking about it and having visited their final creations, it reminded me of the child-like wonder in all of us.  My question of you is when do we lose that?  Why do we lose that?  How can we get it back?  And most importantly, how can we infuse it in our purpose, work, and relationships in 2012?

Here are 3 ideas:

1. Get or find passion in what you’re doing: If you don’t have it today, make it your mission in 2012 to find it.  Really find it, ideally within the team and organization you’re in right now.  If not, find it somewhere else, because I don’t believe passion is something you can’t teach, learn, or live without – for very long!  Because so much of our waking hours is spent at work, around work, doing work, thinking about work, if you’re not passionate about what you’re doing, it’s going to be very difficult for you to do your best, excel at it, advance in it, elevate yourself above the noise about it, differentiate yourself from others doing it, or see the bigger purpose from it.

2. Do it with people you respect, like, trust, or otherwise get enjoyment from being around: I’ve spent the last decade becoming a student of business relationships.  If no one else will tell you this, let me say it – mean people suck, downers will suck every ounce of energy out of you, and the naysayers are just downright depressing to be around!  Those who constantly fire hose great ideas, have never had a decent idea of their own.  Surround yourself with fun, engaging, innovative, upbeat people who will push you to think, grow, try new ideas, be bold, fail, try again, help pick you up when you fall down, cheer you up, and cheer you on.  You may not always like each other or agree on everything.  But build in your relationships with others and demand from them respect, trust, and candor.

3. Find a bigger purpose: Most of us are so buried in the minutia of the day that we lose sight of our “WHYs!”  Why are you doing this project, why are you a part of this team, why are you chasing this deal, why are you reaching out to this new market, why do you do what you do?  Don’t give me textbook answers like I’m trying to make money and pay my bills – there are a million ways you can do that.  Why THIS job, company, role, realm of responsibilities?  How are you growing, learning, becoming a better manager, leader, human being?  Particularly when it comes to your portfolio of relationships, people you CHOSE to invest in will determine your direction and ultimately define your destination.  So chose them wisely, invest in them intently, and bridge your relationship creation efforts to relationship capitalization to reach your purpose!

In 2012, I’m setting aside an hour a day to play!  It can be board or online games with my kids, it can be gaming sites I find online, or gaming applications I read about and explore online.  Who has time, right?  I’d submit, you can’t afford NOT to regain that child-like wonder and what better ways to grow – personally and professionally, than to force yourself to become curious!

Let me know your thoughts?  Make it a great week – David

I have a mentor who continues to drive into me the power of language. When used effectively it is incredibly impactful. So, I’m reading more often, writing more often, listening and watching how others use language to engage and influence. What I’ve noticed is that as a society, we also use a lot of catchphrases. If you say any of these, please stop in 2012 – appealing to your logical self interest next to each one:

1. “Let’s Partner!” – What does that mean really? Instead ask for sample partnerships which have produced great results for both sides and course a map to make them successful because they work with you!

2. “I meant to…” – And then what happened? Did a better offer or a more interesting person, project, email come across your radar and you completely forgot about them? Be more intentional in the tasks and relationships you focus on and choose to invest in, in 2012.

3. “I’m sorry you feel that way…” – No you don’t. If you feel sorry, just apologize and quit sugar coating it.  Not enough candor in our business relationships.  We tell people what they want to hear vs. what they need to hear.  I’d rather you tell me how you really feel in 2012 as I suspect, so do a lot of others!

4. “I’m not here to make friends…” – I’ve never seen this actually help the person saying it!  You may not care if they like you, but you’ll need them to respect you if you want them to buy from you; not just products or services, but your ideas, projects, and priorities in 2012!

5. “It’s a win-win…” – Like a “merger of equals,” there is no such thing; they hear “I’m going to win, you’ll lose, but you won’t know it until I’m long gone, when you’ll lose again!” Stop already.  Focus on gaining and delivering conceptual agreement on objectives, measures and value to both sides!

6. “Here is what you should do…” – Unsolicited advice is just that – unsolicited.  Many people don’t want you to fix it or tell them how to fix it.  They just want you to listen. Try listening more than you speak in 2012!

7. “Cheers, ciao, adiós,…” - You’re not British, Italian, or Spanish – it’s English. “Goodbye, see you soon, bye for now” all suffice for US-based professional communications.  As my good friend and Emory classmate, David Heltebran pointed out, it is appropriate in your communication if you’re working with colleagues or partners in those countries as it demonstrates your flexibility or willingness to learn, grow and expand your horizons.

8. “I’m a good multitasker…” – No you really aren’t. None of us are and when I hear you typing on the other side of our call, you’re clearly NOT listening to me!  Do less with fewer people but become more centered, intentional, and focused in your interactions with them in 2012.

9. “You’re Wrong!” – This is a personal challenge for me (since I’m so shy and quiet!!). Healthy disagreements make you interesting to debate. Dismissing others entirely make you look arrogant and pompous!  Even though you may be right, the way you engage, challenge, or try to influence them to think differently (vs. trying to persuade them!) will make a huge difference in 2012.

10. “I know. That’s like when I…” – When others are telling their story, don’t try to outdo them. One-man-up-ship is so 1980s and it’s unbecoming, as is interrupting others!  In 2012, focus on collecting great stories told by others vs. constantly being the life of the party with your stories!

Bonus: “But, however,…” – Nothing good ever comes after but and however is a polite way of saying but! Stop it!

Happy New Year,
David

p.s. I’m launching 5 unique channels to engage, influence, and sometimes, even provoke you!  In the process, I hope to add value in how you think about and choose to invest in your most valuable, strategic relationships – on or offline in 2012.  Learn more and subscribe HERE.

I don’t know about your business, but mine tends to slow down twice a year: mid year, around the 4th of July holiday and right about now – as most of the business winds down for the Christmas holidays.  So, like many people I take some time off to spend with my family.  Many call that work-life balance; I just need that intentional time to really disengage from work and it helps me think about, focus on, prioritize, pay attention to all these other things that are equally important in my life.

A few years ago, I also blocked off time on the calendar for this type of forced introspection.  I clear off my desk, throw out all of those gilt-written to-do lists that I didn’t get to, throw out boxes of recycled newspapers and magazines, and really try to clean up and clear out my work area.  I review my notes throughout the year, client meetings, phone conversations, opportunities won and lost.  Relationships I’ve touched and those who impacted me more than a cordial interaction.  Think of this as spring cleaning for your brain and I’d submit it’s an essential part of your personal and professional growth – if you don’t ever clean anything out, how will you make room for more ideas, more key initiatives, and just as important, more strategic relationships.

So, use some time during this holiday season to really think about your strategic relationships this past year.  Where did you invest time and effort?  Whom did you neglect?  Where do you need to prioritize your strategic relationship investments in 2012?  Make an intentional list of the type of relationship-builder you want to become vs. just that you want to achieve and really work on those attributes, those relationships, those friendship that will help you grow in the New Year.

After all, holidays are for more than just gift giving.  It’s a great time for gift receiving – in forms of introspection that will help you grow, personally and professionally.  Talk about a gift that keeps on giving.

Happy Holidays,
David

p.s.

If you haven’t yet, check out these channels to subscribe to various insights from our team in 2012…

I’m working with a client who is the CEO of a 2,000+ employee organization on helping him, his senior leadership team and his board become more customer / member-centric (central theme of the newly released Return on Impact book).  They’re in the hospitality industry and as I travel with this CEO and observe his behavior, it’s clear one of the fundamental assets which has made him very successful over the years.

Beyond the entrepreneurial drive, passion for the business, and a great judge of quality talent, he is meticulous about the details.  He is very astute at quickly soaking in all of his surroundings and methodically comparing and contrasting what he experiences with his expectations.  He is a life-long learner, always looking to create an edge in the experiences he creates for his guests vs. the competitive establishments, and not much goes by him without notice.

Your relationships require the same due diligence and attention to details.  Details about an individual become the fabric or the texture of the relationship.  Their likes, dislikes, tastes, preferences, communication styles, and expectations are all important details that you must capture, remember, repeat, and align over time to elevate the relationship from the mundane and the bland, to the extraordinary, memorable, and impactful.

In 2012, focus on fewer but richer relationships that have the detailed texture.  They’ll become a much stronger asset to you in time of need vs. the superficial ones many people develop in passing.  Fewer, more impactful relationships are candid.  They will tell you what you need to hear vs. what you want to hear.  They’ll help you grow personally and professionally.  They’ll introduce you to other strategic relationships which will elevate your perspective, thinking, or insights about a challenge or a market opportunity.  Real relationships will open up doors to new possibilities.

But none of that is possible, if you don’t pay attention to the details.  The relationships devils really are in the details.

Make it a great week,
David

When I hear someone say they’re too busy, you know what that means?  That it’s not important enough.  Think about it – we make time for things that are important.  Most people I know are taking off some time during the upcoming holidays to appreciate their time with loved ones.  We make time to return calls to some people but not others.  We make time to meet with some people but not others.  We make time to respond to emails by some people not others.  Most of our day is about choices.  I would submit, it’s also about the relationships we choose to invest in.

Personal relationships like us for who we are, worts and all.  Functional relationships are the ones we put up with because we have to – let’s be honest, some of our colleagues, clients, or vendors.  Strategic relationships elevate your thinking, enhance your perspective, help you see further or reach greater heights than you can imagine – in your personal and professional growth.  So, regardless of what else you have scheduled on a calendar, always make time for your strategic relationships.  You just never know when that one coffee visit, lunch meeting, or invite to come and speak to a group of executives could turn out to be the best decision you’ve made all year!

After all, we’re all busy!

What relationships have you neglected in 2011 that it’s time you prioritized and invested in 2012?

“Hi David – It’s good to hear from you and of the completion of your latest book.  After checking with my bosses I’m going to have to decline your request.  They don’t want me, or anyone else in the firm, endorsing others products including books. Best wishes on the release.”

That’s an email that you don’t expect to receive.  As many of you know, I’ve been working on the release of my 4th commercial book, Return on Impact – Leadership Strategies for the Age of Connected Relationships (ASAE, 2012).  As it’s customary, I’ve reached out to a dozen or so current and past clients with key insights about the book and have asked them for endorsements / testimonials of our work together.  Here are just two kind ones:

“In Relationship Economics, David Nour articulated the strategic value of business relationships.  In Return on Impact, he forces the reader to question what value they are really adding and how to measure the impact of social as a business enabler on those strategic relationships.”  – Randy Seidl, SVP & GM Americas – Hewlett-Packard Enterprise Servers, Storage, & Networking

“David Nour spoke to our leadership and board and without question, they chose to think and lead differently than our industry counterparts shortly after his session.  If you’re trying to help your organization get beyond reactive social media, Return On Impact is your roadmap to a more strategic approach to social.” – Barbara Springer, General Counsel & Vice President Administration – Delta Dental of Colorado

But the one at the top of this post, really disappointed me because I pride myself in my work and the impact I try to create for my clients.  So I start thinking about how or why had my “equity” declined from being “one of the best speakers we’ve ever had,” and “well done” by a senior executives after a consulting engagement to the comment above?

Here are some predictions that I hope you can apply in your relationships moving forward:

1. Relationship Currency® is like cash – it has immediate value; people will remember your impact from last week; they may or may not remember your efforts from 2 years ago!  In hindsight, my boat to ask for a testimonial or an endorsement from this client, sailed long ago!
2. Reputation Capital® is relative – even a great house on a bad street will have a hard time selling; one strong impact can easily be negated by other misperceptions, competing priorities, or much more visible impact from other individuals or initiatives.  Think of how close you were to your next door neighbors, until they moved!  Because the context of the relationship changed, the fact that they lent you every tool you ever needed, turned off the alarm at your house when you were traveling, or babysat your kids is no longer relevant or a priority.
3. Some lessons are expensive and detrimental to the relationship – with this particular client, I made a comment to one of their partners, which in hindsight, I regret and it created a mountain from a mole hill.  I don’t think I ever recovered from that as evident by the comment above.  We all say and do things that we regret later.  That’s what makes us human.  You have to learn from those lessons and grow through them in your professional relationship development maturity.

Finally, your Professional Net Worth® is developed over the years and through countless relationship currency exchanges and the accumulation of your reputation capital.  If you build an over abundance of relationship assets, they will negate the relationship liabilities we tend to create, regardless of how unintentional they may be.  So although it’s human to want to be liked, I’m learning that it may be more valuable in the long run to be respected.  And nothing creates and protects respect more than performance, execution and results.

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holidays, my goal and prayer for 2012 is that the good Lord keeps me humble, focused, willing and able to make promises I can keep, remain a student of business relationships, and continue to add value to those I’m lucky enough to meet.  The rest, I’m not sure I can control.

How is your reputation capital and how do you know?

I received the email above from LinkedIn and it reminded me of great friends from Emory’s Exec. MBA program several (OK – thanks to the LinkedIn reminder – 11 years ago).  Beyond their names that I have in my address book, their faces reinforce that social is highly personal and social networks (LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, etc.) are simply an enabler of that personal interaction.  I’m amazed every single day with people who confuse the two.  They abdicate their interpersonal interactions (the essence of any relationship) to status updates, connections, followers, fans, and “likes.”  Email and social is one-dimensional; phone conversations are two dimensional because I can gauge your tonality; in-person is three dimensional and nothing will ever replace that interpersonal interactions.

Bottom line – pick up the phone and call a business relationship you haven’t in some time just to say hello and ask how they’re doing!  If you find a way to become an asset, amazing how often they’ll reciprocate!

Did you know that most people make up their first impression of someone in the first 7-10 seconds of interacting with them?  The amazing aspect is that the other person doesn’t even have to say anything!  It has a great deal to do with how they look, how they carry themselves, and the context of the interaction – whether they were on time, who they were with, how they arrived, etc.

More importantly, once an initial interaction has been established, sociologists tell us that we give a little, they take, they judge, they give a little, we take, we judge, and we give a little more back.  This exchange continues for some time and the more comfortable we feel in that interaction, the more we tend to get beyond a facade and share pertinent or particularly valuable information.  As such, most people cement their initial impression in the first 10 minutes of the interaction.  Most people have two opportunities from that initial interaction – they’ll either enhance their perceived credibility or dilute it.  In what they say, what they do, how they behave, the value-add they bring to the table, and the caliber of the questions they ask!

So, here are five ideas to think about as you engage your most valuable business relationships:

1. Always look the part, be prompt, and do your homework before you show up!
2. Ask engaging and compelling questions to demonstrate your credibility and interest.
3. Provoke, provide a contrarian perspective, add-value in every interaction
4. Deliver what you promise, when you promise it – we tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in the short-term, and underestimate what we can achieve in the long term.
5. Remember the Relationship Currency Roadmap – what business goal am I trying to achieve that I can without a portfolio of relationships, who do I need, who do I know, how do I add value to key members of my relationship bank consistently to accelerate access to or an opportunity with the relationships I need to accelerate my ability to get things done!

I continue to be surprised by those who write me to say that the process actually works!  Basketball at its core, is about dribbling, passing and shooting.  Relationships at their core are about value-based interactions, credibility, and trust consistently over a period of time.

How are you adding value to everyone you meet at every opportunity?

I’ve been thinking a lot about why some relationships work consistently over time and why others simply falter or fade?  Why do we prioritize working with or investing in some people more than others over a period of time?  Why do we refer or introduce some of our relationships to others more often?

I would submit it’s the intersection of 3 key drivers:

1. What do our target relationships really need?  Understanding that which they’re struggling with, or are challenged to accomplish or really want someone else to take off their plate, help them understand and apply or implement, can all be bucketed in their “relationship needs.”
2. What are they NOT getting from others?  If you think about it, when it comes to relationships, we’re all competing for mindshare, so what are their other relationships NOT providing for them, satisfying, addressing, or otherwise impacting?
3. Lastly, what are our relationship development strengths?  What specific assets do we offer that could be of particular value or interest to others?  I would submit most of what we bring to the table fall in one of five categories: time, talent, knowledge, access to an influential relationship or behavioral

My supposition is that the more value-add you’re offering to your relationships that are competitive, distinct or unique, the higher priority you become, the more longevity you create in the relationship, and the stronger the relationship pull / gravity – you become an object of interest.

What’s critical is that a) you find distinct or unique value-added approaches to become an object of interest, b) you create, package, market, and sell your unique brand / value-add as an asset to others, and c) that you translate your value-add to impact realized by the other party.  If they don’t connect the dot that your value-delivered created a better outcome for them, you will get lost in the market noise.

Thinking about your own portfolio of relationships, why do some return your calls and emails within 24 hours, and others are simply “too busy” to respond?

Exclusively for RENetworks Members…

Heading towards the top of our pyramid are the go-to people in your portfolio of relationships. They are subject matter, geographic, or functional experts. Your interactions are frequent and your relationship is very collaborative. The relationship is one of equal stature and perceived value-add. If value is diminished…

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