“Hi David – It’s good to hear from you and of the completion of your latest book.  After checking with my bosses I’m going to have to decline your request.  They don’t want me, or anyone else in the firm, endorsing others products including books. Best wishes on the release.”

That’s an email that you don’t expect to receive.  As many of you know, I’ve been working on the release of my 4th commercial book, Return on Impact – Leadership Strategies for the Age of Connected Relationships (ASAE, 2012).  As it’s customary, I’ve reached out to a dozen or so current and past clients with key insights about the book and have asked them for endorsements / testimonials of our work together.  Here are just two kind ones:

“In Relationship Economics, David Nour articulated the strategic value of business relationships.  In Return on Impact, he forces the reader to question what value they are really adding and how to measure the impact of social as a business enabler on those strategic relationships.”  – Randy Seidl, SVP & GM Americas – Hewlett-Packard Enterprise Servers, Storage, & Networking

“David Nour spoke to our leadership and board and without question, they chose to think and lead differently than our industry counterparts shortly after his session.  If you’re trying to help your organization get beyond reactive social media, Return On Impact is your roadmap to a more strategic approach to social.” – Barbara Springer, General Counsel & Vice President Administration – Delta Dental of Colorado

But the one at the top of this post, really disappointed me because I pride myself in my work and the impact I try to create for my clients.  So I start thinking about how or why had my “equity” declined from being “one of the best speakers we’ve ever had,” and “well done” by a senior executives after a consulting engagement to the comment above?

Here are some predictions that I hope you can apply in your relationships moving forward:

1. Relationship Currency® is like cash – it has immediate value; people will remember your impact from last week; they may or may not remember your efforts from 2 years ago!  In hindsight, my boat to ask for a testimonial or an endorsement from this client, sailed long ago!
2. Reputation Capital® is relative – even a great house on a bad street will have a hard time selling; one strong impact can easily be negated by other misperceptions, competing priorities, or much more visible impact from other individuals or initiatives.  Think of how close you were to your next door neighbors, until they moved!  Because the context of the relationship changed, the fact that they lent you every tool you ever needed, turned off the alarm at your house when you were traveling, or babysat your kids is no longer relevant or a priority.
3. Some lessons are expensive and detrimental to the relationship – with this particular client, I made a comment to one of their partners, which in hindsight, I regret and it created a mountain from a mole hill.  I don’t think I ever recovered from that as evident by the comment above.  We all say and do things that we regret later.  That’s what makes us human.  You have to learn from those lessons and grow through them in your professional relationship development maturity.

Finally, your Professional Net Worth® is developed over the years and through countless relationship currency exchanges and the accumulation of your reputation capital.  If you build an over abundance of relationship assets, they will negate the relationship liabilities we tend to create, regardless of how unintentional they may be.  So although it’s human to want to be liked, I’m learning that it may be more valuable in the long run to be respected.  And nothing creates and protects respect more than performance, execution and results.

As we approach the Thanksgiving Holidays, my goal and prayer for 2012 is that the good Lord keeps me humble, focused, willing and able to make promises I can keep, remain a student of business relationships, and continue to add value to those I’m lucky enough to meet.  The rest, I’m not sure I can control.

How is your reputation capital and how do you know?

Did you know that most people make up their first impression of someone in the first 7-10 seconds of interacting with them?  The amazing aspect is that the other person doesn’t even have to say anything!  It has a great deal to do with how they look, how they carry themselves, and the context of the interaction – whether they were on time, who they were with, how they arrived, etc.

More importantly, once an initial interaction has been established, sociologists tell us that we give a little, they take, they judge, they give a little, we take, we judge, and we give a little more back.  This exchange continues for some time and the more comfortable we feel in that interaction, the more we tend to get beyond a facade and share pertinent or particularly valuable information.  As such, most people cement their initial impression in the first 10 minutes of the interaction.  Most people have two opportunities from that initial interaction – they’ll either enhance their perceived credibility or dilute it.  In what they say, what they do, how they behave, the value-add they bring to the table, and the caliber of the questions they ask!

So, here are five ideas to think about as you engage your most valuable business relationships:

1. Always look the part, be prompt, and do your homework before you show up!
2. Ask engaging and compelling questions to demonstrate your credibility and interest.
3. Provoke, provide a contrarian perspective, add-value in every interaction
4. Deliver what you promise, when you promise it – we tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in the short-term, and underestimate what we can achieve in the long term.
5. Remember the Relationship Currency Roadmap – what business goal am I trying to achieve that I can without a portfolio of relationships, who do I need, who do I know, how do I add value to key members of my relationship bank consistently to accelerate access to or an opportunity with the relationships I need to accelerate my ability to get things done!

I continue to be surprised by those who write me to say that the process actually works!  Basketball at its core, is about dribbling, passing and shooting.  Relationships at their core are about value-based interactions, credibility, and trust consistently over a period of time.

How are you adding value to everyone you meet at every opportunity?

Exclusively for RENetworks Members…

Heading towards the top of our pyramid are the go-to people in your portfolio of relationships. They are subject matter, geographic, or functional experts. Your interactions are frequent and your relationship is very collaborative. The relationship is one of equal stature and perceived value-add. If value is diminished…

Sign Up on RENetworks to learn more, get this and other weekly Relationship Economics Tip of the Week, get notified of our upcoming webinars, and get access to other resources like articles and white papers.

To learn more about how to become a member, click on the logo below:

Interested in learning more? Be sure to take advantage of the additional resources Relationship Economics has to offer:

• Sign up for the Relationship Economics Monthly Newsletter and receive poignant, practical and insightful advice regarding business relationships and social networking best practices.
• Attend the next Relationship Economics @ Work Webinar series and learn ways your company can experience unprecedented growth!
• Text ‘RETip’ to 90210 and receive real-time business relationship insight and tips. Opt-out at anytime.
• Join the Relationship Economics Group on LinkedIn and join in on the conversation.
• Follow me on Twitter.

Exclusively for RENetworks Members…

Moving up our pyramid we have Investment Relationships. Your interaction is regular, your relationship cooperative. Members of this group are a lot like you. Found in this category are those individuals with which you have a high degree of behavioral and psychological profile similarities. Take the time to get to know them better, collaborate more frequently, and develop a closer relationship. The tactics and the ethics of your relationship with this category are…

Sign Up on RENetworks to learn more, get this and other weekly Relationship Economics Tip of the Week, get notified of our upcoming webinars, and get access to other resources like articles and white papers.

To learn more about how to become a member, click on the logo below:

Interested in learning more? Be sure to take advantage of the additional resources Relationship Economics has to offer:

• Sign up for the Relationship Economics Monthly Newsletter and receive poignant, practical and insightful advice regarding business relationships and social networking best practices.
• Attend the next Relationship Economics @ Work Webinar series and learn ways your company can experience unprecedented growth!
• Text ‘RETip’ to 90210 and receive real-time business relationship insight and tips. Opt-out at anytime.
• Join the Relationship Economics Group on LinkedIn and join in on the conversation.
• Follow me on Twitter.

Exclusively for RENetworks Members…

Have you ever seen the illustration of a container half full of gravel, and when a group of good-sized rocks are added to it, simply overflows?  Take the same container and put the rocks in first and when you pour the gravel over it next, it actually fits the container quite nicely without overflowing?

It’s a classic example of how your priorities determine your capacity.  It’s also a concept, which applies to your portfolio of relationships.  If you find yourself frustrated because you’re ignoring some of your most valuable relationships…

Sign Up on RENetworks to learn more, get this and other weekly Relationship Economics Tip of the Week, get notified of our upcoming webinars, and get access to other resources like articles and white papers.

To learn more about how to become a member, click on the logo below:

Interested in learning more? Be sure to take advantage of the additional resources Relationship Economics has to offer:

• Sign up for the Relationship Economics Monthly Newsletter and receive poignant, practical and insightful advice regarding business relationships and social networking best practices.
• Attend the next Relationship Economics @ Work Webinar series and learn ways your company can experience unprecedented growth!
• Text ‘RETip’ to 90210 and receive real-time business relationship insight and tips. Opt-out at anytime.
• Join the Relationship Economics Group on LinkedIn and join in on the conversation.
• Follow me on Twitter.

Recently, a CEO asked me to spend some time with two of his prominent senior executives, whom I’ll call John & Nancy.  These two got along so well that they could literally finish each other’s sentences; they were equally creative, spontaneous and enthusiastic, and had very similar approaches to solving problems.  I found them to be jovial and fun, engaging, and motivating.

And a complete waste of the company’s resources (time, effort and capital) in their respective roles!The problem was that John and Nancy were too much alike!  They were caught up in the novelty of the work, completely focused on developing new ideas and ensuring their people were happy.  There was no evidence of constructive criticism, civil discourse, devil’s advocate dialogue, or any kind of pushback in meetings I observed (see related article: In 2011, Please Kill More Good Ideas!).

If you look at groups of people who effortlessly work well together, odds are they share many interests, traits, beliefs, and perspectives.  They may have similar backgrounds, experiences, interests, personalities, and approaches to challenges and opportunities.  As my colleagues Jennifer Whitt of PDUs2Go.com in her book, Optimize Your Thinking, and Stephen Shapiro in his book, Personality Poker, point out, contrary to popular belief, opposites do not attract.

Psychologists have confirmed that when it comes to our portfolio of relationships, we’re often attracted to people who are similar to us.  We hear others describe their interpersonal relationships as “they get me,” or “we have chemistry.”  As such, when it comes to our relationships in the workplace, we tend to surround ourselves with people who share similar thought processes, energy levels, and professional demeanor.

Unfortunately, too many similar relationship development styles are detrimental to your personal and professional growth.

The people you need the most – to provide unique insights, independent perspectives, and to question your key assumptions, you may like the least.

Chances are you’ll disagree often, and will have varying styles in approaching a challenge, or in seeing the silver lining in a project or key initiative setback.  You may get in each other’s face, and one will force the other to focus, stay on course and within budget.  You’ll think of them as controlling and will not agree with their limiting and restrictive approach. Their persistence will keep you focused.  Their strengths will complement your abilities and illuminate your blind spots.

You’ll find them unrelenting and in spite of annoying each other you’ll reach that next milestone or finish line feeling invigorated by the experience.  You’ll deliver successful results highly visible to the organization.

So, the next time you’re facing a challenge or an opportunity, instead of going to someone who thinks just like you, look for your opposites.  Very likely they’ll bother you at your core, and may not give you the answers you want, but will be the exact recipe you need for impactful results.

Stay tuned for our online debut of the much anticipated Relationship Signature Index™ (RSI) assessment.

Pivotal contacts are those individuals who can help accelerate your ability to achieve your goals. Not only can pivotal contacts help you achieve your goals, but they can truly accelerate your achievement of them.

But, how can you recognize someone who is a pivotal contact? Below are five traits you can look for:

Time

To pivotal contacts, time is a valuable asset and they don’t like to waste it. You’re not likely to see these people hanging out by the water cooler, chatting it up.

Execution

Pivotal contacts are passionate about execution. Seldom will they get excited about a 100-page analysis of a challenge. They are much less interested in everything you know and much more intrigued by what they need to know to get things done.

Gatekeepers

Pivotal Contacts are protected by very capable gatekeepers.The old days of the cliché secretary are long gone. Today’s executive administrators and administrative assistants are polished, well-educated, professional, well-paid, and very good at what they do. They take pride in being professional administrators and are focused on optimizing their executives’ valuable resources.

Mutual Trust, Respect, and Value

Pivotal contacts build relationships based on mutual trust, respect, and value. Often, the only source of access is through a referral by a trusted source. These include lieutenants inside the organization or highly-valued external advisers, but certainly those who have filtered out the time or resource wasters.

Private

It has been my experience that pivotal contacts are well-known, yet private individuals. You may hear of their accomplishments, but seldom about their personal lives – including their family matters, political views, or downtime interests.

Pivotal contacts are often one to two business stature levels above your current perceived reach. If you are a manager, for example, a pivotal contact could be a vice president. If you are a director, they could be division presidents. If you are a senior executive, pivotal contacts could include the CEO, board of directors, or SVP of the parent company. Pivotal contacts can also be peers in other departments or of higher stature in other organizations such as private equity firms.

Since pivotal contacts are such a key to success, what are some of the traits you have seen when it comes to identifying these valuable resources?

Exclusively for RENetworks Members…

Finally at the peak of our pyramid we have a special group. Not only will this group not get upset if you call them at 2 a.m., they will come and bail you out of jail! Your access to them is immediate and you have a very interdependent relationship.

These are former bosses, mentors, coaches, and other select people with a very real vested interest in your well-being and success. These people are the real gems in your portfolio of relationships. Protect them at all costs, take care of them, never let them down, and constantly aim to remain an asset to them. These are mentors who…

Sign Up on RENetworks to learn more, get this and other weekly Relationship Economics Tip of the Week, get notified of our upcoming webinars, and get access to other resources like articles and white papers.

To learn more about how to become a member, click on the logo below:

Received this LinkedIn note about 1/3 of my contacts having changed jobs or titles in 2010. Not only it’s clever of them to show me pictures – we’re a visual society, vs. simply their names – many of which most of us can’t remember or connect to the right person / context, but each is a hyperlink to their profile. This is right up there with "call your mother on holidays." But I love the question at the bottom of the page – What DID You do in 2010? and a clear, logical call to action – Let Your Connections Know.

From: LinkedIn 2010 Review

Date: January 18, 2011 9:27:31 AM EST

To: David Nour

Subject: David, 413 of your connections changed jobs in 2010.

 

David, 2010 was a year of change. 413 of your LinkedIn connections started something new. Here are a few of them:             See Beth’s new job! » Where is Edward "Ted"? » And MICHAEL? » What did you do in 2010? Let your connections know.

© 2011, LinkedIn Corporation

Sociologists call this being "ambient aware" – the more you know about your portfolio of relationships, the more proactively it helps you manage those relationships. So, here are a handful of questions for you to ask yourself:

1. How well do you really know your "connections" in LinkedIn, "Friends" in Facebook, or "Followers in Twitter?" Amazing that we’ll connect with anyone – regardless of whether we know them or not, respect, trust, or value them or not. I actually heard a presenter tout that he can help you get a 1000 LinkedIn connections in just a couple of hours!! Really? Where do I sign up? Needless to say, I’m no longer involved with the organization who actually thinks this yahoo will add value to its members!
2. Are you using social networks consistently, intently, and strategically – as part of your broader marketing gravity / relationship development efforts? I used LinkedIn for my most trusted relationships. If you want to simply connect with me, let’s do that on Facebook (facebook.com/davidnour, and if you simply want to hear of my thought leadership, follow me on Twitter (@davidnour).
3. How are you listening, engaging, and influencing your most valuable relationships via social networks? The worst thing you can do on social networks is to sell – it unequivocally turns everyone off. The best thing you can do is to listen to their ideas, engage them in a unique perspective, and influence their thinking and call to action.

Would love to hear your perspective on dos and don’t on social networks…

David

Some of my favorite networking functions are early morning breakfast briefings. I am an early bird and most attendees have yet to face the minutia of the day, so they are likely to attend for the two critical factors: content and community.

I recently attended a Harvard Business School executive breakfast series featuring the president of a well-known corporation. It doesn’t get much better than this. The content was interesting, and so was the caliber of the people both anticipated and found in attendance. Doors typically open at 7:30 am with the program starting around 8:00, and wrapping up by 9:00. I was simply amazed by the number of people who showed up after the program began and completely missed the opportunity to engage the attendees in advance of the content. Conversely, those who were prompt, if not early, had the opportunity to connect with some of the sharpest minds in the local business, political, and philanthropic communities.

Even at events with great opportunities such as this one, you tend to have those in attendance who, although polite and cordial, are not relevant to your current role, realm of responsibilities, or aspirations. Here’s an example of someone I met. He’s a poultry expert in a very obscure agricultural field that has little to no relevance within my current intellectual radar. After a few minutes, I quickly gauged that not only did we have little in common personally, but I could find little value to add to his efforts. Similarly, he brought few insights or knowledge of the types of clients that my business serves. I thanked him for his time and simply mentioned the need to say hello to a few others at the event.

The number one mistake most people make when they walk into an event like this one is that they spend the entire 30 to 45 minutes talking to someone who is not relevant to what they are doing, and they get sidetracked from their game plan. When I refer to the “wrong people,” it is not intended to mean that some people have less value than others. I am simply trying to get you focused on relevancy. How relevant is this individual to the goals and objectives that you are trying to achieve? Please understand that this comment is not to be construed as manipulative. It’s not about an elegant way of using people, but being smarter about how you invest your valuable time, efforts, and resources.

One of the best practices here is to identify what we call influential hubs. These are subject matter experts or those naturally highly connected who are consistently able to engage and influence others over a certain period of time. If you think of the classic bike wheel, they represent the hub in the middle with many spokes fanning out from that position.

Certain functional roles lend themselves naturally well to this concept. The best commercial real estate agents I know are very well connected in their communities to a multitude of possible direct client or referral sources. The best attorneys, accountants, insurance agents, recruiters, nonprofit fundraisers, lobbyists, and industry consultants are often very good hubs because of the diversity of friendships that they build over the years. It is critical to your relationship-building approach to identify those hubs and find ways to become an asset to them.

Remember that one of the fastest ways to turn off a hub is to go to that person and say, “What can you do for me?” Though these hubs are typically genuine and go out of their way to help people, you will quickly brand yourself a taker by approaching them in this way. What is critical to hubs, or to any relationship development effort, is that you truly invest time, effort, and resources in advancing the achievement of others.

During the follow-through phase, systematic, disciplined thought and action will drive recognition. If you believe in the premise that most people genuinely want to help, then it becomes incumbent upon you to not just follow up (transactional), but follow through (transformational) the initial success in meeting and engaging interesting, relevant contacts.